Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my liver is dry heaving
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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