What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
