So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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