I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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