I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
