I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
