Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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