Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
