Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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