just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am naked and annoyed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
