Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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