so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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