forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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