JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
