My hair reeks of homosexuality.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
