Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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