Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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