People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
