She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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