oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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