she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
