I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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