you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
