He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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