So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
barbara walters just said penis...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
