I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
