sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
