You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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