she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
