I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
