Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Damn victory sex feels great
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
