Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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