bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
a search helicopter?!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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