we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
