my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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