I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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