Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
