You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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