My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
