Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
