woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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