Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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