i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
