I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm like, not good at living.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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