spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
