when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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