By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
