seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
