It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
