pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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