forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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