Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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