thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
