Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You ate ashes out of my bong
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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