That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize