turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
