I intend to get homeless drunk
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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