I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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