True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
