if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
