You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
