I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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