His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
