You're so nebulous sometimes
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
