Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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