i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
