areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
