ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
