yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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