quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
